Thought of the day: The universe doesn't have a beginning or an end; it just is.

It's been awhile since my last update. I'm not doing too well, plagued by a throat infection infection so bad that I've yet to recover from it even after an injection and a full course of antibiotics. Yeah, not well at all. Barely getting by.

On the school front, all has been pretty...... iffy. I handed in a really bad literature review by my own standards and it really cramped my style. I'm so used to consistently handing in quality assignments: creating the atmosphere of invincibility, cultivating absolute and unflinching belief in my own quality and conditioning myself to have extreme self-efficacy, but it's all been undermined by a bad piece of assignment.

I have a strong sense of duty to myself; when I hand in bad work, I beat myself up and am extremely self-critical about it. People call me an overachiever and market-spoiler; I guess that's sort of right but my motivation behind handing in the best quality work is to not let myself and the people who believe in me down. That particular assignment really planted a seed of doubt in my own ability to live up to expectations: that of my own, and others. I took it to heart a lot. Even though WP's yet to mark it and said it looks okay, I knew that wasn't my best effort. And to me, that's what sucks the most of all.

I'm on track to recover from that setback, but it'll take time. I did decently on my french test, consecutive 100%s on my personality class quizzes and handed in a decent assignment on personality, but I don't feel like I have "it" anymore. Maybe I'll get to keep my 4.0 this semester, maybe I won't but all I know is to keep trying. It's quite bad dealing with not giving my best at school, but the social domain in school has been giving me issues too. It's more complicated and burdensome to deal with as compared to school work, and frankly I just don't want to care. A bit of an upside would be finding out who I can count on when I need a lifeline: the 5 people who were at KFC whom I knew I could share something I wouldn't usually share with others, someone who watches over me, group mates who give a shit about me and picked up the slack when I was really ill, and someone I wouldn't want to burden but is very willing to help share mine. Really thankful to have these guardian angels around during this difficult time.

On a less depressing note, I've finally met a person who could sweep me off my feet without saying a single word. It's been awhile since I've met someone like that and I'm not willing to let this opportunity pass by. It's a pity that I'll have to set this conquest aside to focus on term tests next week, but it's something to look forward to.

Christmas shopping on the 19th, then meeting a bunch of awesome people for christmas and new year. I see some light; this tunnel isn't as endless as I thought it'd be after all.

~Win Ee